J. Haux

The imagery was beautiful. I love the way it flows: almost dreamily. Apart from the 'blown' and 'blowing' so close together, I can't offer any advice. I loved it! ~Jacquie~

I confess: I'm a rereader. There is more to books than how it ends. Sometimes when I reread, I see it differently: I learn something different. I might see forshadowing ...

Did you make double spaces to make it look longer? Maybe that's just my trick! :lol: The format just looks unusual. It almost looks like you tried to make it ...

You're crazy, girl. Oh, you're embarrassing me. :oops: I don't know you! :wink: First line needs to be separated, as it's the title. Then, your meter goes like this, in ...

Hello, hello, hello...Welcome to YWS! I hope you're enjoying yourself. My name's Jacqueline. Glad you're here! ~Jacquie~

I missed this post! I feel horrible! Welcome! I see you've already made posts etc...I hope you have lots of fun! ~Jacquie~

~Jacquie~

Congradulations, Ari!

This is the wrong forum. It's for science-fiction stories written by YWS members. *wacks head on the computer desk* :lol: I'm not crazy after all! Maybe I'm just not comprehensible... ...

Ooh! Well, some things weren't very clear, mostly at the beginning. I'll show you some examples. But, it really is good. We get acquainted with our hero, Megium...and I wonder ...

*growl* Ali 2...ali 2... :D Conversational stuff belongs in the Randomness forum. I know you're new and don't have many points--go review other people's work and earn points that way. ...

Please post your work in an appropriate literary forum. The welcome area is only for welcoming and introducing yourself. ~Jacquie~

Oh... After an embarrassing conversation here, I remembered the difference between prose and poetry. But I could be wrong again! Let's see. Someone correct me if I am: Prose is ...

:lol: Hello! Glad you're writing here already (although you may want to post poetry in the poetry forum somewhere :D). My name's Jacquie, and if you have any questions don't ...

Nice job making (or have you? :wink:) the three chapters work as one. Much more suspenseful and seems to move more quickly, without pieces sort of hanging in the middle ...